I think the C is right. I think the quid pro quo that worked for my H and I was that if I trusted him he would be trustworthy. This was never explicitly stated. He dumped the OW and said he was sorry. I said I forgave him. Never another word about it, never another jot of suspicion from me. He said it was over and I believed him.
Agree to the proposal - not to get her to do anything - but because it is the right thing to do. It was not wrong to snoop in the first place, but now it is out on the table it is wrong to continue.
Snooping and controlling is likely to make her feel claustrophobic, that is not the way you want her to feel.
Give her enough rope. She will come to realise on her own that your behaviour is on the moral high ground and hers is not. She will feel uncomfortable and guilty in that position.
If you do not trust her she will feel it, which gives her ammunition to continue the behaviour.
I am just in the middle of writing something else which I intend to post on hairdog's thread, what I say there appears to contradict this. But I think that is because your R is in a different place. She already has a foot out the door.
If you feel like going bowling go bowling. Behave as you would with a friend or roommate. Don't worry about what the logical part of your brain tells you. Who gives a stuff whether she feels like you don't care or whether she takes the opportunity to email OM. That's her business. You take care of you.
Have a good weekend, I might as well warn you that the board goes pretty quiet on the weekend. Lil might be around and she's always worth listening too.
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
