Maybe it would help to try to look at ways to lessen the stress around homecoming every night with the baby?
Perhaps it is baby or age sensitive, but we have a much more smoother evening transition with our 7-month old baby girl. One reason is that she isn't hungry when we pick her up. She usually eats about an hour before we get her. Will your childcare person give her a snack before you pick her up? I'm guessing Charlotte can do finger food of some sort, so this shouldn't be too much of a chore.
This might mean delaying dinner a bit when you get home, but if everyone is happy, you'll have a chance for quality time instead of nightmare hour...
Also, can you simplify dinner somehow? If you are actually cooking the meals for Charlotte, could you consider some of the organic baby foods on the market? Earth's Best is pretty healthy and pretty tasty.
Anyway, just a couple of ideas to try to get to the source of some of the stress to eliminate it if possible. Trying to manage is harder than getting rid of it to begin with :-)
Great ideas about increasing your directness. There is nothing more helpful or attractive than that!
