I can understand why part of you wants to give it all to your H, and part of you is still angry with him for the choices he made. It's understandable, but I don't think it's going to take you where you want to go.
It sounds like you need to make a decision. Either trust him completely, or don't trust him at all. There's not much middle ground on that. Either way I suggest you stop looking at the telephone statements to see who he might have called. Everyone on this board will tell you that spying is a dead end street, unless your compiling evidence for D. The fact that he only called that number on one night, when he was probably drunk, should tell you that most of the time he's got his senses together. If it was a OW, he'd have called back many times.
So, make your decision. Either trust him, and give it all, or don't trust him and keep it all. If you give it all, you risk it all. If you keep it all, you'll have all of you, but little of him. I say, give the man another chance. Trust him completely, give yourself to him completely. Don't let fear shackle your heart forever. Take the risk, let yourself be vulnerable. You may get hurt again, but you'll have no chance of having the intimate R you want without a little risk.
I can understand the fear. He's been with OW. But it sure sounds like he's done with that, and want's YOU. If this was a habitual thing with him, going from one OW to another, then heck no don't give him another chance. But it sounds to me like he's genuinely remorseful and really wants to make it work with you.
I'm not very supportive about going to strip bar's and using drugs though. Even once in awhile is'nt OK. To allow that kind of behaivior is to support it.
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he hates when I do not trut him and I think it makes him justify his bad decisions
It may help him justify his decisions, but their HIS decisions just the same. If he was more trustworthy, it would be easier to trust him. Going to strip bars, and playing with drugs does not help build trust in a R. He's got to do his part to build the passion too. But it'll take some time. You start it, take the first step, then teach him, guide him, and train him.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
