My former pastor told me that if I am full in Christ, if Jesus is really enough, I am less likely to pressure my wife to be a certain person or to stay in the marriage so that I can be happy. She believes, and is partly right, that her performance/her staying in the marriage is what dtermines my happiness. I need to invite her to a full life in Christ, not indict her with my judgements.
I believe that as I focus more on these things, I will attract more of the same.
This is very true. What you focus on expands! You have given alot of thought to how you want your life to be, now live it like you already have all of those things.
There are a lot of books out there on the Law of Attraction; one I like is The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I read it about 3 weeks ago, and it has changed my whole outlook on life!
Thank you very much Theoden and Mama. I feel much stronger after sitting to think and write about these things. The next time I forget and start to fret over H, I'll catch myself and come back to my center: ME!
Theo-I think your pastor is dead on: a truly fulfilling relationship includes God. And HE set the perfect example of unconditional love in so many ways...we need only to seek Him and we will find happiness regardless of the actions of others.
Mama-I have been so pleased to see your new outlook. I can feel from your posts that you are feeling truly happy, and I love that for you! I have seen The Secret movie and read some of the Ask and It Is Given book. Many of the same concepts can be found in scripture too. I think that there is great truth in the power of our thoughts, and that it is important to acknowledge and include God's will in the things we seek. He loves us and wants us to be happy, and sometimes we find that in our trials our true selves are strengthened and brought forth in ways we never imagined. I know that's definitely true for me at this very moment. Let me know how the new you is doing in your sitch!
Another day in my exciting life! Things in my sitch are the same as usual, though, I am feeling more detached and happy with myself. H called twice yesterday, once in the morning with a financial question, and again at 11:00 p.m. from the machine shop he is practically living in. The last call was a nice thing: it does mean he's thinking of me. I have stopped asking for those calls, and am working to not let it bother me when he doesn't. (I went out to dinner with a fabulous friend and had a lovely evening, btw.)
I have come to realize that H's current all-consuming project fills the same need(s) for him as I think OW did: He goes where he feels wanted, needed, and his ego is fed. So, I'm working on providing that for him in our home, though it has to be done in the very short time he's actually here, and without pursuing of any kind. I'm finding that I can do loving things in a detached way, and it feels nice to be able to give without expecting anything in return.
Just to be sure, I want to ask y'all: I'm on the right track, correct? I know OW is pursuing him...not sure how persistently, but she is nontheless. It's good that I'm not pushing/pulling him in any way.?
It's good that I'm not pushing/pulling him in any way.?
In my opinion, yes. He will run like hell if he feels that you are trying to control him. Nobody wants to feel controlled. Continue as you have been; lovingly detached. He will see with his own two eyes everything that he will lose if he pursues life with OW, and give her enough rope and she will eventually hang herself.
Life has settled into a quiet pattern here at Aud's house:
Aud gets up, exercises, takes care of kids, runs errands, fits in some work projects, throws in a bit of study time here and there, tries to implement the practice of new communication skills into all of the above, cooks, cleans, talks out loud to herself when thoughts are headed in depressing directions. She finds something else to do or think when she starts feeling sad that she doesn't have a real husband right now.
H calls or drops in when he feels like it. A minute with the kids, eat some supper, park on the couch for a bit of vegging, see ya later.
Positive: H postponed his work trip to OW's city for another three weeks or so. He does call or drop in about once a day.
I'm happy...in myself. Just trying to stay focused on what I truly want for my R. This is not it.
I think I'm in a 'patience learning' phase now. I'm doing well with keeping a PMA and trying to bring more deliberate attention to building my relationships with God and my kids. And that feels good!
I have realized that for now, H has NO DESIRE to truly come back to me. Maybe he was never really mine to begin with. The reasons are irrelevant. He just is not there for himself or me or our kids. I feel sadness, but am choosing to focus on faith that somehow his heart will soften someday.
I'm unsure what more to post. I feel like I'm running and progressing in myself, but in my R with H? I'm on a treadmill.
But...you seem to be making the best of it. You are empowering yourself. I hope you are proud of all that you are able to accomplish throughout your day!! Enjoy life, because life is phenomenal! Everything you've been through, everything you have come through, was all to prepare you for this moment right now. Imagine what you can do from this day forward with what you now know!
Do what you love and as you commit to your joy, you will attract joyful things to you
