My DSL connection has been down most of the night and I've been waiting like a drug addict for it to come back up because I didn't want H to think I didn't respond to his email. I finally got it out at midnight. Based on the times of his last couple emails, he should still be awake. Here it is...
I’m sorry you have felt that I've wanted to get away from us for so long, I never really understood that you felt that way. You know, if we had to go back in time, I’d marry you again. I would. Our wedding was literally the happiest two days of my life, hands down. There are so many things about you that I adore. I love your playful side when you just act goofy-I know that side is reserved only for me and the kids and it makes it all the more special. I love it that we can be goofy together, we get each other like that. I love how sure you are of your view of the world, you make me feel grounded. I love it when we agree on things, when you and I agree I feel so connected with you. I love how much you love our kids and I love how you show them you love them every day without even having to say it, but you say it anyway. I love your cautious approach to day to day situations, rarely overreacting and always respecting other peoples’ ways of coping. I love the intensity of your feelings-there is nothing in the world that feels the way your love feels. I love the way you make love to me, when we can’t be together, you are my fantasy. I love the way you look and the way you smell-you can turn me on from across the room when I’m not even looking at you. You are the hottest guy in the world to me and I absolutely am not being melodramatic. I love your generosity, that you love to give presents and I still remember the per diem money you used to leave for me before your trips, just because. I love how good you are at guy stuff-you know how to do so many things that I don’t have a clue about and I love watching you do it. You make me feel taken care of. I realized the other day that I love how much you like toys, it makes me feel secure because you take care of our kids in that way. I love your consistent loyalty, to yourself, to your views, to your family, and to me. I love the way you used to tuck me in at night. I love that you read to our kids every single night that I was pregnant. I love how dedicated you are to our family, I love that you come home immediately every night and that your weekends are for us-I never have to wonder if you’d rather be somewhere else. I love that you bought and paid for my engagement ring and I never suspected a thing. I love that you proposed at just the right time so that I could have a candle ceremony with my sorority sisters. I love how you used to jokingly whisper ‘arrow’ and that I knew what you meant. I love how you play with our kids, that you never tire of them or what they want to play next. I love that you read to our son in Spanish when he was a baby to calm him. I love the thought that you put into the gifts you’ve given me over the years. I love that you know my history, that you know who I am and where I came from…..I love the history we share.
Your letters from Japan. I remember. I’m encouraged that you say you felt most like yourself back then because I understood it to mean that you felt most like you because you were secure in our love and you knew where you stood. It sounds like you’d like to get back to a place where we both feel that way. I would too.
When I read your list of wants for our family, I could have written it myself. We’ve always been a great family, always. I don’t know very much about what you want from a wife and from a marriage.
You said you wonder what I want you to do for me now. I'm not making demands of you, it sounds like you feel I've already done enough of that. If you want to talk about how we can rebuild, I would envision more of a mutual discussion where we can talk openly about how we'd like to be treated and what we each feel we have to bring to a new relationship. Thank you so much for opening up to me.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
The letter was great. I especially like how you ended with a summation inviting him to build a new relationship with you. Well done!!
Just has a reminder, make SURE that you leave your truck listed for sale. He may not have said anything, but it got his attention.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Thanks Nops. I will leave my truck listed, I paid to list it until it sells.
I didn't get a response this morning, but that's ok. He comes home tonight and then takes the kids to Baltimore in the morning. So, I'll be by myself all day tomorrow and most of the day Sunday
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Sitting here in my office, just finished your email, and tears are running down my face at your declarations of love for your H. If he doesn't respond positively to this, he is a fool, or insane.
Having given my left nut to NJ yesterday to be in her H's shoes, all I have left is my right one to have my W write me a letter with half of the love of yours.
Hairdog, who still has both of his nuts, of course.
Wow Heather. That is really putting it out there. While everyone is gone this weekend what will you to do cope with lonliness, anxiety, worries for the future etc...?
Geez, I don't post for a few days and I fall way behind on the the drama. Wow Heather, great developments in your M. I really liked what your H had to say and it's nice to see a "softer" side of him. No advice, you are doing great. Just wanted to wish you luck and reiterate that I definitely think he will at least attempt to meet you half way on all of this. Sounds like he wants it to work too.
FWIW, from my POV that letter was radically honest and I think could go a long way to breaking down his walls, and yours too. I think that was just what he has been waiting to hear from you.
Karen,
Why would you think that was too much? Furthermore, why would Heather have to worry over the weekend? I think she is in a much more secure position regarding her relationship now than she was last weekend, even though there is a lot of work to be done to get there. The uncertainty factor has radically shifted. Now all she needs to do is just do it, IMO.
Just wanted to wish you luck and reiterate that I definitely think he will at least attempt to meet you half way on all of this.
I sure hope so. I just have to figure out what half way is. I can't go back to the way we were living. I've made it clear I won't be demanding anything. Separation is still knocking on the door because there are certain things I still need out of a R with H. I don't know what I have the 'right' to want. Nops, I'm really going to need your input on that one-I need your objectivity.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
