Afterall....This IS my Life III

[heatherg]

My DSL connection has been down most of the night and I've been waiting like a drug addict for it to come back up because I didn't want H to think I didn't respond to his email. I finally got it out at midnight. Based on the times of his last couple emails, he should still be awake.
Here it is...

I’m sorry you have felt that I've wanted to get away from us for so long, I never really understood that you felt that way. You know, if we had to go back in time, I’d marry you again. I would. Our wedding was literally the happiest two days of my life, hands down. There are so many things about you that I adore. I love your playful side when you just act goofy-I know that side is reserved only for me and the kids and it makes it all the more special. I love it that we can be goofy together, we get each other like that. I love how sure you are of your view of the world, you make me feel grounded. I love it when we agree on things, when you and I agree I feel so connected with you. I love how much you love our kids and I love how you show them you love them every day without even having to say it, but you say it anyway. I love your cautious approach to day to day situations, rarely overreacting and always respecting other peoples’ ways of coping. I love the intensity of your feelings-there is nothing in the world that feels the way your love feels. I love the way you make love to me, when we can’t be together, you are my fantasy. I love the way you look and the way you smell-you can turn me on from across the room when I’m not even looking at you. You are the hottest guy in the world to me and I absolutely am not being melodramatic. I love your generosity, that you love to give presents and I still remember the per diem money you used to leave for me before your trips, just because. I love how good you are at guy stuff-you know how to do so many things that I don’t have a clue about and I love watching you do it. You make me feel taken care of. I realized the other day that I love how much you like toys, it makes me feel secure because you take care of our kids in that way. I love your consistent loyalty, to yourself, to your views, to your family, and to me. I love the way you used to tuck me in at night. I love that you read to our kids every single night that I was pregnant. I love how dedicated you are to our family, I love that you come home immediately every night and that your weekends are for us-I never have to wonder if you’d rather be somewhere else. I love that you bought and paid for my engagement ring and I never suspected a thing. I love that you proposed at just the right time so that I could have a candle ceremony with my sorority sisters. I love how you used to jokingly whisper ‘arrow’ and that I knew what you meant. I love how you play with our kids, that you never tire of them or what they want to play next. I love that you read to our son in Spanish when he was a baby to calm him. I love the thought that you put into the gifts you’ve given me over the years. I love that you know my history, that you know who I am and where I came from…..I love the history we share.

Your letters from Japan. I remember. I’m encouraged that you say you felt most like yourself back then because I understood it to mean that you felt most like you because you were secure in our love and you knew where you stood. It sounds like you’d like to get back to a place where we both feel that way. I would too.

When I read your list of wants for our family, I could have written it myself. We’ve always been a great family, always. I don’t know very much about what you want from a wife and from a marriage.

You said you wonder what I want you to do for me now. I'm not making demands of you, it sounds like you feel I've already done enough of that. If you want to talk about how we can rebuild, I would envision more of a mutual discussion where we can talk openly about how we'd like to be treated and what we each feel we have to bring to a new relationship.
Thank you so much for opening up to me.