Since you said that one of your major complaints is communication and feeling like you’ve been heard, perhaps when he is pursuing you he is in more of a mind to hear you. Trying to talk to him after he feels he has you does not seem to have worked. He has no incentive to talk to you at that point.
I assume you shutting down to him is a passive aggressive way to get his attention, right? So while you have it, talking seems a better way to get your points across than getting angry and hoping he will read your mind. If you are shutting down, then I see this as a lack of being able to set proper boundaries on your end. Just because he doesn’t agree with what you are saying doesn’t mean you should shut down. He should acknowledge your complaints, but he does not have to agree with them, and unless you are willing to stand up for yourself to press your issues, he has absolutely no reason to resolve your complaints either.
Those four Rs may accurately describe your marriage, but what are you going to do to fix it? I’m curious to hear what Nop has in mind.
