Being secure sexually doesn't mean that one is secure with vulnerability. I don't see you being vulnerable with your H, but OTOH, I'm not so sure that he'd be comfortable with it, either. Maybe Blackfoot can comment on this.
Every time I bring out my bunny he makes her cry because he acts like a boy with a slingshot rather than a man with a strong warm chest against which I could snuggle. So you are right that I am not going to allow myself to be vulnerable with him again until he gains my trust by acting like a man. That is why I am not "in love" with him. I still "love" him with my cow spirit and my monkey still responds to his cranky "top" on occasion. I am no longer feeling angry, possessive or jealous so my lioness is resting peacefully but she will awaken if positively or negatively challenged by a man. The lioness no longer responds to my husband because I have lost respect for him because he has broken too many contracts. In summation, I have no desire to feel emotionally connected to a man who cannot or will not honor any contract to provide me with a reasonable level of security, care and sexual satisfaction.
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And obviously, what makes me feel vulnerable, and what would make you feel vulnerable, are probably different things.
We are similar in that we both have guarded our bunnies but for different reasons. You are showing a lot of monkey spirit in your recent posts so I will assume that your boyfriend is pretty top. I was repressing my monkey spirit with my cow in order to keep my marriage together until my children are grown but my H has drained my cow dry with all his beta behavior so my monkey is feeling pretty free and out of control. You guys need to help me keep an eye on her. Feel free to smack her around but don't misaim and hit my poor bunny, she's pretty beat up and sad.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
