I now feel that I do not have to make deals with him. Deals are a form of control. If you do X I'll do Y. It's like bribing your kids to eat their spinach. What I need to do is leave gaps for him to fill. He can work out on his own that they need filling and I can have a firm belief in his ability to fill them.
I think it is a little stretch to say that deals between adults are a form of control, especially if both people enter into it willingly. The deal is then a choice. Blackmail is a different issue, or a deal crafted between two people with different power sources, such as an adult and a child. That can be control.
But if one person is feeling controlled for having made a deal, then I think it is more a case of poorly enforcing personal boundaries. If you don’t like the deal, don’t do it and accept whatever consequences.
A deal can also be a builder of trust. Watching someone honor their end of the deal sets a pattern of positive reinforcement and can be a way of repairing a relationship. Perhaps you feel controlled because you place an obligation on yourself to honor the deal? But that is still a choice. I have a hard time seeing where the control comes in.
I guess that puts you in a hard spot. Your H too. How is he to build trust with you if you cannot trust yourself to accept his actions without feeling a sense of obligation (and possibly some resentment)?
