Did any of you see your R with H go even more down hill after finding out about the A?
Yes, I think there's some real good possible reasons for that. For one, it still may be early enough that the whole fanasy part of the affair hasn't worn off and he's addicted to it like a drug.
Another thing, they carry a lot of guilt and that tends to push them further away from the marriage. It's not always easy to go back when a spouse has learned about something like this. I know I have a hard time getting closer to someone if I've done something to hurt them and feel super guilty about it. That's where being positive and supportive comes in.
Clinging? Yes, that definitely pushes them away. And trying to get him to end the affair... that makes you look controling. The OW comes out looking like the better choice.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
