Hi Abyss

I didnt make any comments about the jumping thru hoops remark or several of your other frustrated and sarcastic remarks. As a fellow sarcastician Im fairly attune to it. \:\)

I am working on myself at this point because that's all I am able to work on; I have no cooperation from my spouse to work on our marriage. But, back to your earlier point. You're right, I'm not moving the ball. That is going to change. I think I'm going to set up a date/togetherness night every weekend. I'm going to schedule a babysitter for one night every weekend, plan for fun events, and take her out

This sounds good. I like it. Nice job. I was happy to hear about the D convo you allready had. I have a suggestion to make. One of those subtle differances in how it appears to the OP.
Instead of making all the plans and taking on all of the effort on yourself, Plan it and make her a part of it.

ex. (these are loose ex. adjust for you and your SO)
A: I want to spend some time with you this weekend. Is sat or sunday good for you?
Mrs. A: I dont know. Im not sure thats a good idea. I dont know if we should spend time together, Im still thinking about the 7 years of pain/D blahblah.
A: Ok. Sat is good for me too. I was thinking we could go and see/do (fillintheblank). Get a sitter for S7 from 5 to 11.
Mrs. A : I dont know how Ill feel about you that day.
A: Good point. You can be a real pain sometimes, but I can put up with you for 6 hours I think. I managed the last ?? years. one thing though. No talking about the R.

The point is do not be put off. Do not be insistant or controlling but dont let lack of enthusiasm put YOU off. Know what you want and go get it. Give her something to do, so she is a part of it. Let her do the womans work. Your W is a very succesful woman in her career. She has her masculinity developed. She needs you to be more so, so she can relax into you with her femininity. Its going to take PROOF on your part and TIME. Youve eliminated placating and supplicating is appears. that just means you are not unappealing. Thats not the same as being attractive.

There is another BB started by and primarily populated by women whoes careers have been more succesful then their H's. It was originally intended to let their finances all hang out to empower other women to be fiscally responsible.
I dont post, I just lurk, but the majority of them love their H's they just want them to step up in the M.

When I originally started writing my post to you I said its fairly obvious you take responsibility for your actions, and what do, you would like to see from your wife. Keep the first modify the second.
You want respect from your W. You have to earn it and require it. Earning it means keeping your word, and persevering in the face of opposition. Requiring it means- when someone disrespects you, you call them on it. You dont hope they will just respect you.
If I just hoped for respect and thought hey, I want respect, Id have my ass handed to me.

All she could talk about was our past, the bad parts of our past. I heard the seven year no sex thing until I was blue in the face. I have a real problem with people that let their past control their future. I feel pity for anyone in that place. Yes, we should learn from our past, but to mire your future in the past is a terrible waste. I must say that I was shocked when my wife was only able to talk about our last seven years together. I never once thought that a person as intelligent as my wife would mire her future in her past. After reading about the WAW syndrome

7 years is quite substantial. She has a lot of resentment. She does need to vent and release this, and know that you understand. I totally get what you are saying, because its nearly impossible for me to hold onto negatives. (even those that affect my survival). She is not you. Womens brains are wired differant. you dont have to understand, you do have to deal with it.

her emotions and her logic are parallel. Our emotions are behind our logic. (except when 3 or 4 of them pin mr logic down and kick the crap out of him. ) There is no better or right. Its just differant.

That being said I just posted to Rigley in his thread, about setting mild boundaries to assist her in breaking out of that negative emotional loop. As David Deida says in 'The way of the superior man' if she can provide her own masculine energy, what does she need you for?
If you have a problem with it, then require respect. Tell her what you want. Failing to requiring respect is not proactive or radically honest.
You want to be needed, right? Be the man she needs. Right now your just a person who is there. Ignoring her.

Your W has so much masculine energy in her business and social life you slipped into she wanted in your M. Time to turn it around. 14 months at least. at least.
Oh yeah relax on calling yourself names like idiot. You were unaware and improperly conditioned. Your rectifying it. Kudos to you.