She'll need to grieve the affair with OM. It will take a while for her to cut off contact completely. When she does, then you are ready to piece relationship back together.
And then when things get better, you re-read Michelle's stuff in DR on how to get over the affair. Also read, "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.
But do you notice something positive here?
The OM is being the possesive, jerky asshole. He's driving her nuts.
You be the tower of calm. You noe get to play the OM.
Do you see how your roles are reversing? You are the cool, sexy, collected dude, and he's the desperate asshole.
YOU need to control yourself. I love you man...but just FUCKING DO IT!!!!! CONTROL YOURSELF.
Don't convince her with your words that she must be with you. Your actions will do all the talking.
No one else can convince her, not even a DB coach.
You get close and then you try to fix things, which screws thigs up. It's like you keep pulling off the scab hoping the wound will heal. Let it heal on it's own.
You can ask for what yuo want in positive ways. If all she hears from you is, "STOP seeing him. GET BACK into that unfilling relationbship with me and be a good Christian woman", you will lose her.
