I now feel that I do not have to make deals with him. Deals are a form of control. If you do X I'll do Y. It's like bribing your kids to eat their spinach. What I need to do is leave gaps for him to fill. He can work out on his own that they need filling and I can have a firm belief in his ability to fill them.
I don't really agree with this. You are doing just what you told me not to do. You can't make a deal with a child but you should be able to make a contract with a man.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
