Thanks for your advice. I ageee with several points that you made, and some of your points I don't agree with. "You can't score without the ball," HOW TRUE! I have been a complete idiot for not seeing that. I don't feel that I'm "doing nothing". I am working on myself at this point because that's all I am able to work on; I have no cooperation from my spouse to work on our marriage. But, back to your earlier point. You're right, I'm not moving the ball. That is going to change. I think I'm going to set up a date/togetherness night every weekend. I'm going to schedule a babysitter for one night every weekend, plan for fun events, and take her out (of coure there'd be no sex, petting, or romance on these dates as we're an old married couple contemplating divorce :(). We stopped doing together things a long time ago. I have expressed to my wife (long before I found this forum) that if we do reconcile our differences, this part of our life together would change.
The little conversation at the end of your post is almost exactly to the letter the conversation my wife and I had about a week after she asked for a divorce. I basically told her my feelings about divorce based on her reasons, and told her that I wasn't going to argue the point nor was I going to get a divorce. Her response was that I couldn't stop her from leaving. My response was that that was true, but that I sure don't have to put my name on any divorce papers. This was not a heated conversation, no one raised their voice. That was all that was said. Afterwards, for several weeks I tried to get her engaged in our marriage, to discuss and work on our problems. She never responded positively. All she could talk about was our past, the bad parts of our past. I heard the seven year no sex thing until I was blue in the face. I have a real problem with people that let their past control their future. I feel pity for anyone in that place. Yes, we should learn from our past, but to mire your future in the past is a terrible waste. I must say that I was shocked when my wife was only able to talk about our last seven years together. I never once thought that a person as intelligent as my wife would mire her future in her past. After reading about the WAW syndrome, the portions about someone having their minds made up and not being able to question their decisions, to accept their conclusions as facts that could not be challenged, I gleaned a little insight into her thinking. I never once heard from her that she too was a culprit in the demise of our marriage. I accepted my portion of the responsibility for this seven year no sex disaster, said that I was sorry for my part in it, and asked for her forgiveness. I didn't bold the prior statement for you BF, it was for the people that have said that I've not taken any responsibility for my actions.
I read earlier that someone thought that my wife has filed for divorce. She hasn't filed for anything as far as I know. She asked for a divorce and we both have attorneys, that's it. I don't even know if she's turned in the required paperwork to her attorney to move forward with a divorce. I have not filled out the first form that I was given by my attorney. My attorney is on retainer and that's it. I haven't heard a peep out of her, my attorney, in weeks, so I've assumed that nothing has happened on the divorce front. We're in limbo.
Man this two months issue has really come back to bite me on the butt. I think this is the fourth time that I've said this, the two months time frame is arbitray. I'll stay in my marriage and work on myself and my marriage for any length of time needed as long as I have hope and can see progress.
BTW BF, the "jumping throught hoops" thing was sarcasm. I'd never do that and my wife would never expect me to do that. Nor I her.
