I recall that he started out with hugging till relaxed, then there was something about how the roles can switch with regard to control and drive, also examples of one person being the polar opposite of the other and that these roles can switch too (“Siamese twins” I think).
I don’t recall any specific progression, but each couple has their own set of issues that they need to discover and work through toward building enough self confidence that each can fully engage with the other without inhibition or reservation. The goal as he called it was to have sex with eyes-wide open which would help to achieve what he called “wall socket sex.”
As I recall, he spoke one feeling like both people merge into one, apparently feeling each other’s breathing, pulse rate, etc, sort of a union of the souls (maybe he was watching too many paranormal shows). Anyway, this was the idea behind my thoughts last week when I posted on Burgbud’s Rumination thread that I thought the ultimate objective was for a couple to become one. That idea seemed to conflict too heavily with the notion of maintaining distance and healthy boundaries and not relying on someone else.
But in Schnarch’s ideas, I see the argument becoming circular. We work on holding onto ourselves, gaining self confidence, acclimating ourselves to our discomfort, so he can stand independently to therefore merge back into one. Seems like an ideal objective to me, but it didn’t go over too well on the board.
