An insightful and interesting set of questions, but I think your logic is flawed, the punch to which Hairdog already beat me. To answer you more directly, "How do men and women get past the dating stage?"
A: Hormones run high during the courtship, whereby an HD partner looks HD, but an LD partner also appears HD.
It's a physiological fact, needed to propagate the species. Sure, I think the HD male might also smell nicer, dress nicer, and act nicer during the dating stage than after 20 years of marriage, but I also think there is an element of "bait-&-switch" that goes on with the LD partner as well. Again, these may be only physiological, uninentional and no malice aforethought, but I can tell you, Mrs. Choc. used to be the one to jump on ME at night, with a mischievous "C'mon . . . you don't really want to sleep now, do you?"
I do think it's interesting, though, that during COURTSHIP, the man's phrase sounds unreasonable, and during MARRIAGE, the woman's phrase seems more unreasonable.
