I moved back in on Friday, and Sat, She sat down and admitted everything. She wanted to get rid of him but didn't know how. Then Tuesday she went to see him and they fought all night. She called to tell me that she was coming home, and he was verbally beating her up. Then he called her a couple more times to try to apologize, but she didn't want to hear it. Yesterday they talked and I was upset, starting a fight between us(which is rare). She wanted to not be with either of us and she wanted to leave. Then this morning she called and wants to see him. So she is.
Yes, I want to save my marriage. I have fought this long and I am not going to stop now. I set a coach for tomarrow morning, and when I told her she said to buy three. She is not happy with him, but feels good about herself when she is with him. We don't show affection towards each other right now, because she wants to be only with me when we do. There is a little but no kissing or anything. I just wish today was over, I will be dreading this all day. But I will keep my patience, and bite my tongue.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
She is not happy with him, but feels good about herself when she is with him.
I've been having a hard time with this part. However, she seems to be very confused right now. You can help her make the decision to come back to you. You are very lucky to get a session with a coach. Hold off until you talk with your coach tomorrow and listen very carefully.
I'm about to get one myself if I feel I might blow it with my W considering the positives we've been having. There are some recurring negatives in my sitch but I hope and pray that they are only hiccups.
We are along for the ride man! Try not to think about it too much!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I know, I got good news I hope. OM has bowed out, told her that he couldn't do it anymore, and he doesn't want to be stuck in the middle. Now it's a matter of keeping her away from that thinking that she wants to be with him. She isn't sure if she wants to be with me, and I just need to give her time. I need to quit talking to her about it tho. I can't keep my mouth shut and I know she doesn't need to hear anything from me. Me have a family together and She needs to fight herself to be with her family. She at least knows shes on a rollercoaster ride, some days she knows she should be with me and others she doesn't. She will talk to the coach also which is great. So pray for me.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
I got this from either Muddle of Theo, but it applies here as well. She needs to greive the relationships death. Hold her hand, greive with her. She is going to need someone strong and rocklike in her life right now. Simply let her know that you are there for her, you understand she is hurting and that she can talk whenever she needs.
Don't take on her problem, be her support, her rock. You can do this, stay in the game.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Thanks, I needed someone. I know she needs to grieve, and I told her I was here for her. She left today and is not coming home tonight(probably). I don't suspect she will be going over there, but I still will think of it. It feels as if someone has ripped out my heart and danced a jig on it. I hate when she tells me there is a part of her that wants to be with me. I just want to tell her to listen to that part and get over the other part. She is driving me nuts, but I don't let her see that. I am down and no matter what I do won't change it. I need someone to vent on, I can't wait for the coach tomarrow. I want to go home and sleep so I quit thinking about it. Depression sucks.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
Take a few sleeping pills and knock out for bed. You can't think of the sitch when you're knocked out!
I feel for your sitch too man! It must be really hard, but read back a few posts and do what the others have said. You're doing good by not letting her see you are hurt. It doesn't really help. She needs someone to lean on and talk to, especially now. Listen and look to her needs/actions and be there for her. Understand her side of what's she's going through. But just be there for her when she needs you.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I know, but she doesn't need to talk to me right now. She needs to talk to someone who is pro marriage, and will guide her in the right direction. My words are not as meaningful as others, because I only want her to be with me. She sees this as pursuing and I need to back off. If she wants to talk, she knows I'm here. She needs to come to me. Her mom is coming down tomarrow, and I hope they can have a GOOD talk. Thanks for the support.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
She'll need to grieve the affair with OM. It will take a while for her to cut off contact completely. When she does, then you are ready to piece relationship back together.
And then when things get better, you re-read Michelle's stuff in DR on how to get over the affair. Also read, "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.
But do you notice something positive here?
The OM is being the possesive, jerky asshole. He's driving her nuts.
You be the tower of calm. You noe get to play the OM.
Do you see how your roles are reversing? You are the cool, sexy, collected dude, and he's the desperate asshole.
YOU need to control yourself. I love you man...but just FUCKING DO IT!!!!! CONTROL YOURSELF.
Don't convince her with your words that she must be with you. Your actions will do all the talking.
No one else can convince her, not even a DB coach.
You get close and then you try to fix things, which screws thigs up. It's like you keep pulling off the scab hoping the wound will heal. Let it heal on it's own.
You can ask for what yuo want in positive ways. If all she hears from you is, "STOP seeing him. GET BACK into that unfilling relationbship with me and be a good Christian woman", you will lose her.
Theo is right on! Listen to him, James. Remember, it was but one week ago your M was over, you were fretting over her filing if you moved back in and now look where you are! It's incredible progress. You are winning, keep that momentum going. Be the guy she fell in love with!
