Bizarre situation

[geordie]

Hi geordie,

I have noticed you been MIA. Hopefully things has been going well and that is the reason why.

Take care!

Waiting to hear a positive update on your sitch.

Thanks for checking! I wish I could say that my reason for MIA was a good sitch! Have been overwhelemed with work (not telling H as this is more fuel for the fire, so just trying to deal with it). Had a good trip to SF and then got back to so much work...off to the east coast next week (work) and H supposed to be looking after S.

Things with H seemed to be getting better....to the point I was becoming hopeful. We talked for 30 mins yesterday when I got back from work and he even held me and hugged me, almost kissed me. He said he misses me and it's really hard for him. Took a nose dive though when he said that he wanted to take S to stay with OW while I was on east coast for several days. Didn't want to be away from OW for so long (don't forget he is away from OW all day Tues, all day Wed then from Thurs noon to Sun late morning)...only this coming weekend he was supposed to be staying in our marital home until next Tues evening while I was gone. I didn't flip (internally I did!) but got upset and said that I couldn't, as a good mother, allow my son who isn't even 2yrs to stay in OW house...the woman that stole his daddy. It is not acceptable to put him in a position where he sees daddy with another woman. H just didn't understand where I was coming from and started to say how that means that he can never see S around OW ...ever (yep, that's correct, H, you will never have S around that *****). He thinks he can play happy families with her and doesn't think that it will affect S. He is in la-la land.

Anyway, we had a 2 hour phone convo late last night (OW must be working nights...so they actually see each other VERY little) - went over all this stuff, I cried, he got angry, parts were good (H said "I can never compare what I have with OW to what I have/had with you") and parts were bad (H = "my feelings for her are growing stronger and I can't be away from her for so many days....or I'll lose her just like I lost you"). Pained me to hear it. I told him that he hadn't lost me etc. I said that I was sorry that his feelings for another woman were stronger than his need to do right by his son. I did praise him a lot about being a good father, good around the house etc but him wanting to expose S to the affair has floored me. He doesn't see it as a affair.....!!!!!????

I mentioned the D word. said that I cannot take this anymore....I am trying so hard to save my marriage, I'm changing all the things that I realized contributed to this from my part, but H is just flaunting the A in my face and treating me like a doormat. If he doesn't think that our marriage is worth saving and our family is not worth keeping intact then he needs to end it but that will end all contact with me. I cannot mentally deal with seeing the person I love walk in and out of my life knowing that he is being intimate with OW. He said he couldn't afford a lawyer and that he couldn't imagine never seeing me again.......so, he really hasn't changed his mind in the past 7 months....wants me as his best friend but not his wife and lover. I know that D isn't the answer and I don't want one, but I am starting to wonder if we can ever recover from this.....his second PA (and there was an additional EA in there too).

So, on a big downer now...but trying not to think about it because of my hectic work schedule. Things will calm down at work in another week so I guess that gives me time to see where the next step with H is going.

BTW he doesn't even want to spend ONE night alone with S while I'm gone so my babsitter is cutting short her trip to be able to take S for 3 days. If I could cancel this trip I would......