I think this is where I belong

[LoginName]

JBF, welcome to your new home. Looks like you've made a lot of friends here already.

I think you've read the advise I've been given on detachment. I think it was Smurf who said that the flame maybe out (stop loving the WAW/MLCer) but leave a pilot light on. And others have chimed in that detachment is more about not letting others affect the way you view yourself. You are a good, worthwhile, worthy person because you know you are, not because your W or anyone else validates it.

In a way it does really help to think or know that the WAW is in MLC. It's nice to understand and have it explained. It's nice to think it's not us, but them. We didn't fail, they have a disease. And it's not a bad way to look at it. In many important ways, I think, it really isn't about them - it's about us learning and developing. Learning to be more independent, in control, letting go of what we can't control, not taking things or others for granted, internalizing our motivation and sense of self. For them, they aren't really out to hurt us (I don't think). They are so self centered and are on their own journey.

That's what's so unfair to the children. They need unselfish parents. While our W's go explore, we need to be there for the kids even as we are learning to focus on ourselves too. Maybe there is a huge lesson here that we can pass on to our kids about self, maturity, and strength. It's nice to think that something good can come of this, even for our kids.

But maybe to get to that stage, we need to go through anger, feel the door closing, maybe even hate a little. We are human after all, and have been really hurt. Maybe we need to find healthy, non damaging ways to express the hurt and anger, then we can move on.

I think of myself as very analytical too. But I think one thing this is teaching me is just how powerful the irrational is - illogical feelings over logic, powerful subconscious forces that have more control and affect then thought and logic. I think we need to accept these forces and learn to ride that wave without being drowned. Fighting against it just sweeps you farther out to sea.

One last thought for this post. Is this kind of sitch that we all find ourselves in like a hurricane. You build a house near the coast, live happily for years, and then BAM, it's all swept away. It's really no ones fault, it just happened. You rebuild, but this time you're smarter and you build on higher ground. Hurricanes happen. You may curse your fate for awhile, and mourn the loss of your house and possessions, but then you clean up and rebuild. Good or silly analogy?