I am going through sort of the same thing. The only difference is that I never saw her on the phone with OM, only caught her one time TM him during her A and her denial. My W is going through some really weird phases, but for the most part the worst has past and she seems more stable about the whole thing. I know my W is still processing all of this crap in her mind, and I suspect your W is doing the same thing. They need to process this stuff, and we need to let them and try to keep our cool - hard to do I know.
I would say if your W is acting this way, she's not going anywhere. She still has feelings she needs to sort out and let go of OM in her own way in her own time. It is hard for us as the betrayed H's. I have been dealing with my W's half-hearted behavior about OM and me. She went from a really hot spell (ML all the time) to a dry one now (ML not worth it, not happening). Her excuse is that she's not in the mood. And that may be true, but I don't like the reason for her not being in the mood - thinking of him. So I get frustrated but at the same time I start sorting out my own crap. And I realize that our old selves are coming into play and we are slowly getting back to having our old marital issues. Some of them we can't fix, they are unfixable as Michele puts it. The issues that are fixable are the ones to work on every day.
I would say to give her some space, but walking away from the topic when you were upset was a good call. It always is. OM is still in the picture with me as well, and I too agree with you that if he would just go away completely, I would be coping with this a lot better. Having OM around just throws a wrench in our work, doesn't it? We take one step forward, and five steps back with OP still around. It sucks. But our W's are still at home, makes it easier and hard at the same time to work through our emotions.
Take care.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
