welcome abyss.

I agree with Corri, your W is waiting for something from you, just like you are waiting for something from her.

There are couple of things that you can change about yourself to improve your M. The good news is that (it seems) that you arent acting unattractive. Your not needy, chasing or any of that.
The bad news is that, you are being P/A. I know you think you are being 'decent' and 'respectful' and seeing if she really loves you, by expecting and hoping she will step up and act certain ways.
She is too.
I see you as behaving exactly the same way I did when my M fell apart. your 'doing nothing'.

If you want her to step up, your going to have be radically honest and let her know how to step up. I used to find that concept extremely distastful, because I would not apprecaite it at all.
She is not a man, though.
Ill be happy to talk about some specifics, if you like.

So, I really don't know what to do; the ball is in her court, and she's doing nothing with it.
 you cant score if you give someone else the ball.

My self-esteem is returning, and I've taken the power that she had over me away from her. I am in control; I am proactive--not reactive. Good. You have you under control. Keep this. Take care of you so that you can maintain this. This is very good.
That does not make her feel anything though.

My wife has known me for 16 years; I will be very disappointed if she is gambling with our marriage. She does know you, and bases her decision on that. Time to shake up what she knows

it's something that you want to be in. Yep, and you want to be in there when the OP makes you feel something. She is not making you feel anything, nor are you her. My wife is making no effort to show me that she wants to be in our marriage.
Well now that you have gotten over the chasing part of it, neither are you. Am I to make ALL of the effort to save my marriage? No. your just to do your piece of it Am I to jump through the hoops to please her, to win her back? Barf If you do Ill be happy to bring you back to your senses with a solid slap. If this is what I'm missing in all of this, please tell me. I am sincere; I am not being a smart***. Good. The first thing you have to say is I DO NOT WANT A DIVORCE. This 2 months baloney is hedging your bets and defeating yourself.
When you can say that to yourself, then you can say it to her, and not gives a damn about her reaction or the outcome. Its about what you want, not what she will do.

Do you know what it means to stand naked (vulnerable)in the face of fear (strong) and feel, I dont care (impervious). This is what I want (honest), and I am proud of me (be real, have boundaries).

When you dont give your wife the time of day, your not standing naked, nor strong. you may look impervioius, and be trying to fool others, but its not honest.

You have expectations and so does she. If you drop the P/A, and tell her what your expectation are, you will amazingly enough be satisfying most of hers.

First thing you can try.

Abyss: (out of the blue) I dont want a D. I think D is destructive and cowardly.
Mrs. A: If you didnt want a D then this and that and this and that....
Abyss: (listens impassively and saves for reflection) Im not arguing with you. You heard what I said. Your opinion may very well be differant. Its good that I know.

It would be helpful to know her response.