Still in the fight

[81388*]

Update;
Thank you Ben for getting the prayer chain started. BIL has biopsy of the tumor Thurs. 10-11 AM, continued prayers would be appreciated.

In the mean time, my brother was admitted with multiple blood clots in his lungs. No other problems have been found and the docs are saying medical treatment alone should be enough, but obviously we are worried.

These medical emergencies have got me thinking. God indeed works in mysterious ways. My BIL had a terrible siezure, BUT without that, the tumor would have gone undetected and could have gotten much worse without treatment. My brother is unhealthy in so many ways. He has for years rejected everyone's observation that he is overweight, underexercised, smokes too much, drinks too much, eats too much crap, and generally won't take care of himself. He has the chance now to change so many things before it is too late, if it were not for chest and back pain he would not know about the blood clots which were indeed waiting to kill him.

As I look back over my marriage I see so many missed opportunities. Chances I was given to change the course of events for the better, but missed them because of selfishness, or pride, or indifference.

W left tonight to be with family for BIL biopsy. I am encouraged by this because up til now she has cut them out as much as she has me, so to see her pick up and leave, esp brand new job, shows me some hope.

Unfortunately, prior to leaving, I was treated to an example of just how confused she is. W had spoken to her S today, my SIL had told W that I had called them several times over the last few days. My W asked me if I was worried about W not telling me what was going on with BIL and was that why I kept calling?

I simply said I was not worried about W telling me, I was worried about BIL and SIL, had called to let them know I was thinking about them and to lend my support. W asked didn't I think she would call them and let me know?

Needless to say, I felt like saying I havn't the slightest idea anymore what you might or might not do, but didn't, just told W that I knew she would tell me any news that she heard, but that I also wanted to talk to them.

I met my BIL at the exact same time that my W did, we have known him for 24 years, and now I don't have the right to call him when he is in the hopital with a brain tumor?

As W was getting leaving, I gave her a hug, told it was for everyone there, and then reminded her that I was still the same person. Her response, of course you are, why? I said that i just wanted her to know that. She then thanked me for getting a get well card and drove off.

I know she feels guilty because I have had more contact with her family then she has since the bomb, but they are my family as well, and right now I couldn't care less if she feels guilty, she should.