What does it all mean??

[ourcrisis]

It is truly roller coaster since finding out about A. Times when he tried to leave her, and felt totally miserable because he could not (and blamed it on ME that he couldn't), times when he was ready to come back to me and was all loving and kissing, etc., times when he felt like just walking out, times when he simply did not know what to do. He asked me "HOW? WHAT DO I DO?" almost everyday that it is becoming a joke between us.

On the attractive part, it's really good. With most of us, we lost the dreaded 10-20 pounds due to this. But now I am back to eating and sleeping and I actually have to WORK to keep the weight down. But for me anyway, it really boosted my ego. I took pictures of the NEW me and sent to his SILs and my sister and they all loved the way I look. New underwear (uncomfy but pretty ones) got his attention. I make sure I wear sexy stuff when I go out with friends. Got new wardrobe. Think of it as alternative counseling cost. I got compliments all the time now which is great. And it's healthy if you can start exercising to fight depression. I take up inline skating (and believe me, I was a couch potato).
R will be ups and downs. And the reason will be a combination of whatever he is feeling at that particular moment. No specific advice here, just hugs and take care of yourself.