You might be right Corri. I may have no clue. I have never found myself in this situation before.
As far as a man on the side--if that's going on, I don't want her back. If I find out that something of this nature is going on, she WILL be leaving our home.
I have never begged or simpered for anything, nor will I ever lower myself to that. It's not only unpleasant for women to see, but for men to see as well (and no, my wife is too much of a woman to lower herself to this level and I would never expect nor wish her to). You have read me completely wrong if you think that I am here with a poor, poor, pitiful me attitude or a woe is me attitude. I am not looking for anyones sympathy, including yours; I am here to see what I can do that I haven't already tried to save my marriage.
How did I try? Well, I found a respected marriage counselor in our area and setup all of the visits to our marriage counselor, when she no longer wanted to go to the counselor I continued to go. I was nice when I was being told that I wasn't wanted and that she had no intention of working on our marriage. She has never once admitted to, said that she was sorry for, or accepted responsibility for anything that she did or didn't do to put us on this path. I have apologized to her and accepted responsibility for my actions or inactions in our marriage. When she went to the counselor all she talked about was divorce.
So, I feel that I've done my share to rectify our marital problems. As stated earlier in this post, I will not beg anyone to be with me or stay with me. I will not beg someone to meet me half way. If they have no desire to work with me on problems, so be it. I am thankful everyday that the good Lord has given me the common sense, and the peace that goes along with it, to not squander my time and efforts on any issue that I cannot fix by myself.
As far as an attitude, you're correct, I have one. I will not eat S**T from anyone that tells me or implies that I have not attempted to save my marriage or that I have not been a man in my marriage or in this situation.
I didn't come here to fight with anyone. That's simply foolish and unproductive. I didn't come here for that. If you think that I have been disrespectful to you, I sincerely apoligize. If we cannot be respectful of one another in our communications, I would rather not communicate.
You and I have a completely different perspective on what I can and cannot do to put my marriage back together. It appears to me that you think that I am in total control of this situation and that all responsibility for putting my marriage back together rests on my shoulders. I don't agee with that if I am understanding you correctly. Because I do love my wife and do have respect for her I will not pester her about this. If she is using a ploy here to engage me in our relationship (waiting to see if I take the lead), she has made a terrible miscalculation. My wife has known me for 16 years; I will be very disappointed if she is gambling with our marriage.
Yeah, you're right again. I am a bright, intelligent, capable man.
