Nice to see your name again. Aud, the whole love and trust issue are interesting to think about. You hear that "good" marriages require trust, but if that's been broken multiple times (either multiple affairs or lots of lies told thoughout and after the affair, and then add in the little white lies throughout a marriage) you basically have been conditioned not to trust. I don't think it would be part of human nature to fully trust once the big lie(s) are revealed.
But does it mean you can't have a "good enough" marriage in spite of holding onto some doubt (wouldn't not having doubt be like an ostrich putting his head in the sand?)
TL, I can fully relate to you that the idea of "plugging away" the rest of your life doesn't sound appealing... however I don't think you need to look at it that way. Enjoy your kids, wait until they are 18 and starting to fly out of the nest and evaluate your marriage then. You'll have raised your kids and won't lose that important bond (which DOES get lost when you don't live with your kids, raise them, and see them every day!!!). You won't have to deal with the mess of dating women who may not be crazy about your kids and resent the time you spend with them. Gosh, I could come up with lots more negatives...
But eventually your life will be more your own. Your kids won't need you so much. Hopefully your wife will grow and realize things and maybe by then you'll have more closeness. And then, maybe not? Although maybe it will be comfortable and the friendship will be enough??? Who can tell. Just keep GALing! There are other ways to get needs met (and I don't mean affairs!!!).
