Sex Drive and Life Style

[MJontheMend]

I talked with my H this morning about some of the issues I brought up in my "contract". I wasn't planning on it but the opportunity presented itself. We were eating breakfast and my H was just sitting there all sullen and then he said "I feel like cr*p". I didn't say anything but my thought to myself was a mildly annoyed "What's new?". So we just sat there uncomfortably for a while. Eventually a convo started and my H made the comment "You aren't much of a counselor." which gave me the opportunity to say in really a very kind manner "I'm not your counselor. I'm your wife.". The convo continued and at some point I said something like "I would appreciate it if you would do a better job taking care of yourself so that you could do a better job meeting my needs/wants as your wife." and I brought up some of the contract stuff but not in a laundry list sort of way. More like I was trying to convey that this stuff would make me happy not THESE ARE MY DEMANDS. My H went sort of ballistic when I said something like "Maybe you want to consider yourself a failure in order to avoid your fear of failure." (channeling LP)in response to some completely negative self-esteem remark of his but mostly the convo was low key and on an adult level. However, I wouldn't exactly call it a success. My H pretty much stated that what I wanted was reasonable and I deserved it but he wouldn't be able to provide it because of his crappy state of being. The low point of the convo IMO was when he said "You know nobody is going to give you a medal for staying with me.". Nothing was resolved and for the rest of the day we interacted with each other with a mix of kindness and depression.

you are clearly a nice boy although I do find some of your theories annoying. Annoyingly correct. I know. Trust me, they occasionally annoy me just as much.

No some are wrong. Especially the one where you think that I am consistently sexual in my marriage because my H is so sexy. I have never turned a guy down for sex in any relationship that I've been in except for practical reasons. It's all me. Which of course proves that your theories about ME are probably correct (sigh).

You just need to stand still and stick up for yourself.

Well, I don't know how well I did. I think I erred on the side of falling back into my "enabler mother" mode. I really am having a hard time figuring out what feminine persona should be "asking" for what I want.

one thing important about giving someone else boundaries is being able to accept theres without personalizing. If he wants you to be unhealthy thats up to you to set a boundary. I seriously doubt that though.

I get this. I didn't really think this was the case I was just using it as an example. I'm really not quite as fixated on the weight issue as it might seem I just use it as an example because it is so concrete compared to other issues.