Corri, there seems to be a misunderstanding here. I am certainly not saying that I don't have or accept any of the resposibility here. It takes two to Tango, and I certainly don't, can't, and did not Tango alone in our marriage---good or bad. It seems that your point of view on this is very narrow. Do you think the man is solely responsible for starting all of the physical contact in a relationship?
Don't lecture me about "I" didn't have sex with my wife for seven years. She knew where the bedroom was, and she knew how to begin physical contact with me. Wake up, it's 2007, women wanted equal rights, they got them.
And yes, divorce is the cowards/easy way out of a marriage where there have been no extreme abnormalities involving one partner--abuse, addiction, adultry, etc. She had so much respect for me and our son that she made this decision on her own--yeah, that's respect alright. I didn't ask for a divorce, she did. Let's face it, a WAS is a coward--you plan something for a long time without even trying to work things out with your partner then you just drop the bomb one day out of the blue. That's what I call "real" motivation on the part of the WAS to better a marriage. If all that time, effort, and planning would have gone into trying to better our marriage we wouldn't be at this point.
I am certainly not waiting on my wife to make this work. She cannot make this work on her own any more than I can. The difference is that I tried for two months after the bomb was dropped to try to get her into counseling, tried to engage her in conversation, etc. only to be rebuffed on all attempts. After two months I stopped beating my head against the floor. I have no plans to put our marriage back together, nor will I approach her again regarding the subject. However, if she comes to me with the slighest hint and willingness that she'd like to make our marriage work, I'd be 100% with her in all endevors to put our marriage back together.
I love my wife. I want to spend the rest of my days with this woman. I have accepted that this may not be possible. I have accepted that I am but one partner in my marriage, and, thereby, cannot stop my spouse from leaving (nor would I want to stop her if that is what she wants). I cannot change another person; I can only change and take care of myself.
That being said, I cannot wait forever for someone that doesn't know what they want to do. She wants a divorce, she can get one. She is making no attempt to get one, nor is she making any attempt to reconcile our differences. If, in a few months (and this may mean several), we are still where we're at today, I will file for divorce. My life is worthy of happiness also. I feel sorry for anyone that is selfish enough or has so little self-esteem that they would stay in a relationship with a partner that doesn't want to be in the relationship. I would tell that person to examine his/her life closely.
