Your wife has HUGE trust issues with men, especially men she loves. No daughter can help loving her father and the fact that her father fought so hard for her, dumped his wife and took off with the kids, that in a child's eye is being ELEVATED to the level of alternative wife. HUGE HUGE enmeshment issues with her dad, only to be dumped again. This, very likely, is why she couldn't cope with motherhood proper after the initial brush with it (she had a miscarriage right?) she dis-identifies (is that a word) with her weak mother and identifies with her strong father. The amount you do for DD5 and around the house shows how she has you cast in the role of mum while she plays dad.
How do I know all this? Because I am the same. But fortunately for me my Dad did not let me down quite as badly as this and he is still around and we have a good R. So I have the same syndrome but in a weaker form.
The fact that you got together with her rather than with someone healthier means you have issues of your own. Do you know what these are?
She really really does want to be able to trust you, she just can't. She needs you to be completely strong, completely single minded, completely bullet-proof.
Saying IWTMLWYOAW in the way that you did, calm and strong, was a line in the sand. She wants to see what else you will do to show that you are that calm strong man. And yes she does push and kick you away to check how horrible she has to be before you will leave.
The fact that a week has passed since you first said you want to ML once a week means nothing. This does not have to be the first week that it happens. Just keep saying it. And like BF suggested go ahead and initiate. In fact if you are successful I would suggest initiating again 6 days later. It doesn't have to be the same day every week does it? Also if you are not successful, go ahead and try again the next day, because if you didn't do it then it doesn't count does it?
Cemar: My wife told me once that what she wants from me is to just be there, just be in the room. Going beyond that, to things that actually get in her personal space makes her UNCOMFORTABLE. This sounds exactly like my H. He has said something similiar, although in his case it is talking (mental intimacy) rather than physical intimacy that makes him uncomfortable. He says things like "I like to just be". I can keep him in the room with me for as long as I like just sitting together, but as soon as I start a conversation he will find a reason to leave.
It is as if mrs Cemar and Ms HD have been in a car accident and they never want to be in a car again. Cars cannot be trusted as a mode of transport. But everyone has a car so it is OK to own one, in fact it is a status symbol and best get a good one. Just leave in the garage though.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
