You've got a deal! I like what your friend said about your story. And yes, they CAN smell our fear. H has even said as much. GAH!
I realize that I've been rushing things (though I feel this has gone on LONG enough)...thinking that we're close to piecing, when reality is, he's no closer to coming home for good than he was six months ago. Life is simply too comfortable for him at this stage of the game.
I am wasting way too much of my energy on him, trying to figure him out, trying to please him, trying to give him what I think he needs. I don't have a problem asking for some of what I want from him, but I'm letting myself feel hurt when he ignores my requests. And of course, I know he's not going to give me the deep things I need, so no, I can't ask. For now, and the past few years (at least), the only person he's watching out for is himself. He's reaching out to do some outward, easy things for me, but has no apparent motivation to man-up and reach for his true potential.
I have come a long way already. I've been able to forgive the past...to the point that I don't allow myself to dwell on it and let it keep hurting me, and I don't hang it over his head. It's over and done. I've made progress in letting go of a lot of my fear. I'm not perfect yet, still practicing, but I do know that I am going to come out of this mess a bright, shiny, sparkling gem, strong and full of compassion and light.
My answers to your questions are posted below. And thank you for asking them. I need to really think about these things more often.
