Hi LG, You posted on my Happy Valentine's thread before starting this one of your own. Have no doubt you have come to the right place here.
You are doing great and following the advice here and in the books really well. It is hard but you can pat yourself on the back for that and gain strength from know that you have been strong - IFKWIM
My story is: 4 years ago H walked out, claimed there was no OW, I found from his cellphone bill that in fact there was. Confronted him then did everything the DB book said, and got him back. We have had many difficult times since then but when he came back he recommitted to our R and promised he would never leave again no matter what - in return I forgave him "water under the bridge" was my attitude. In other words it was a deal about trust - I guaranteed him trust if he would guarantee me trustworthiness.
Not once did I issue any kind of ultimatum over anything. He made the decision on his own to come back even in the face of asking me what he should do - I just said "I can't make that decision for you". The only condition was that if he came back he had to be trustworthy and this was his one and only chance to make that mistake.
You will attract her back by being "better", by being a better stronger person than she expects you to be, than even you expect yourself to be and that includes accepting your part in what has happened to your M.
I hope things progressed along the right path at the C. It may have been painful for you. I can imagine that it was. It may even seem right now that things have taken a disasterous turn for the worse. However it's not over until it's over and it is very early days still so do not fret if that appears to be the case.
As I say my H and I are still here four years on and still struggling to keep the M together. Just now things are looking up and I feel hopeful that we may have made a breakthrough. That is meant both as a warning that there is a long hard road ahead of you and as an inspiration that things can turn out to the good.
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
