The brief article referring to Six Stages get used here like a mini bible, and it has its place. But it is the tip of the iceberg as it was intended to be. Some simple statements in that article become very telling, if not fateful in a real Mid Life Transition turned Crisis (MLC).
You, I, everyone that lives past a certain stage in life will pass through a very natural life stage transition to their second and final adulthood. Seems this one is cataclismic to someone with unfinished business in life. Most often we are told about this unfinished business being in their youth, suppressed through their first adulthood.
Frequently this matches a pattern of young girls not having a loving father at home making them his princess in words and deeds. Sons are often seen actively enjoying time with dad, and growing up just like him. This in itself creates problems when a son mimics a disturbed father in certain ways. But take that father away or let dad beat the son down mentally so he has no self esteem and a seed is planted that will grow and rise up later in life, through words and deeds.
On this site I think what you see most often in the men are sons who were not nutured by their mom. She was in the best place at the best time to make the son feel his worth, his value, and his place in life. Absent that ... a dark seed is embedded and it is certain to rise up one day in the worst possible ways.
In my personal situation, I desperately want to dig up her deceased father and kill him some more. Her mother is still alive and may yet find a way to mend some of the unintentional damage she did. Out of courtesy I will say no more.
What is this first adulthood, second adulthood ...? Leave high school or college and start a career while beginning a family and you have first adulthood.
Being a little prick at 18 and being able to vote or go to war is not quite yet what we are talking about. You get the idea. Been there, got the tshirt.
Second adulthood is saying to a person that is primed for a transition crisis: "Ok, I am here and I am ready for you. You will never be 21 again. Your career has probably peaked or in decline and your family has grown; independent of you. It is too late. Anything you wanted to accomplish beyond this point will not happen. There is nowhere to go from here but out the exit door."
Now most of us know better.
Not the person with unfinished business. They are the insecure children forced to behave like adults. They are the ones without enough self esteem to rise to the real challenges of the second adulthood. They know what is expected, and reject it with all that they are. They will continue to do so until they are able to return to those unresolved issues and "grow" through them ... one at a time. They know they must be 18 again. They don't know when they will feel different about this, or why they are driven to act on the urges. But we know they are, and that they did not wake up wondering how they can hurt us today. They feel guilty, but must act anyway. It is 180 degree opposite of who they were in life prior to this point. Their action is 180.
This is why the length of their journey varies so much. This is why each one of them has such different issues, and behaviors in their crisis. Each one will come out of the crisis as a new and different person.
None of this may help you understand your W. There may be no answer and it may have nothing to do with MLC. It may just be what I had on my mind at this moment in time. Perhaps ... I am MLC.
