*Disclaimer* It has taken me several hours to write this so if it seems like I am rambling or the trains of thought sort of trail off, please forgive me.


Hi Paul and everybody ,

I always love your posts. If I could just chime in for a bit … I agree completely with what you have written. Having gone through MLC I do know that I was running away. I thought that getting a d was exactly what I wanted… All of the begging and pleading that H did in fact made him seem weak and that was just the reason why I was running. SILLY ME. The problems were inside of me all along.

Anyway, once they prayed me out (the they being my SIL and friends) of MLC, H was gone and he had had it with me. He said that we were married too young, that he did not love me any more… you know the drill. He was not in the “stand” for nearly as long as I have been. I did the exact wrong thing… I begged and pleaded and pushed him further into what now seems to be his own private MLC. Ah, now that is love- huh?

Now I am trying out how to move forward without him because he really does seem so very content without me. He has filled his life with new friends and new activities… Much like I did. He leaves me out of everything to do with his new life. Much like I did to him. He says that he is done. Much like I did. So, in a nutshell I am trying to figure out what next for me as he undoubtedly did while I was in la la land. MLC is a peculiar thing … When in MLC you really think that E V E R Y T H I N G was wrong with your M so why would you try to save it ? As you said somewhere on here… the old M is dead. We were not meeting each other’s needs.

The very best thing that the LBS can do as you said is to become stronger. I think many here from the stories that I have read now see their MLCer surrounding themselves with unsavory or less stable people, people that are so very different than the MLCer that we once knew as our beloved H or W. So, in my opinion it would be a good thing to keep on keeping on because they do see what we are doing even if they are not able to acknowledge or accept it. Hard to put into practice but certainly worth trying.

In hindsight, I can see and hear the things that my H said I needed to change or where his needs were not being met except I was so caught up in myself or the kids that I missed the most precious clues. This is how we landed here in la la land. But, hindsight is always 20/20, right? I also believe that MLC is a sort of spiritual awakening.

In the meanwhile, I am sitting by while I watch my H try to erase me from his memory banks and it hurts but what can I do to change it other than work on myself and make things better for me and my kids? Funny, we all went to the movies on Monday nite and at one point in the movie the main character said ,”We got married young.” and my H went out of his way to clear his throat at that very minute. It was obvious to me at that moment that he is still in the anger stage even though he saved a seat for me next to him at the theater. These days, I take his mixed signals as somewhat good sign that deep down inside he is part human instead of full fledged alien. A sign that I might still be in the game, but I admit that I do not hold onto those thoughts as deeply or tightly as I used to with baded breath.

Once in awhile he will say that he misses me but I am growing a bit weary and jaded of that too as his actions do not say anything other than he is still stuck on and in himself. Nowadays I view any niceness from him as his guilt or trying in some way to keep one foot over the threshold while he is enjoying being out in the front yard. I have been contemplating moving further away from him to combat some of these tactics. I have placed him in the hands of the Almighty while moving myself out of his path. A recent 180 for me was not to call him once while he was away last weekend, not to call him once while he was away on business these past few days. I gave him a card for V day but it was not a V day card. He has the kids V Day cards on display at his mother’s. Mine was read but is still in the gift bag.


As for my H’s needs, now I can see them clearly … Intimacy and spontaneity, my confidence and belief in him as a man, financial stability, kindness and compassion, prioritizing him and our family first, gifts and feeling appreciated, learning and doing new things together and accepting his love of motorcycles. Hindsight is always 20/20.

I should go and find my thread and add some thoughts there about MLC…