Yes, I know that's the theory. I've seen a hell of a lot of it exemplified in my W, so I know there's some validity to it. But I'm still confused about a good deal of what she does and says. Sometimes it seems as if no theory really "fits" what's going on.
For example:
I mentioned my W's "mood swings" - sometimes it seems as if she's flying high, but I find out later that she was really sad or anxious. Or the reverse is the case: she seems sort of quiet or sad, and later she says that she was calm and at peace.
Over the course of all of this (about nine months now) she's been mostly affectionate with me. Very much so, in fact. It's not that she hasn't been angry, but the baseline has been very loving.
I guess this is part of the "love you, but not in love" thing.
But she's emphasized how much she loves me so often that I don't really know what to make of it.
Am I a "default" love-object because of her lack of family?
Is she nostalgic for the past?
Does she really love me, or does she say this to make me feel better? (I don't try to make her feel responsible for me, so I doubt that I'm "asking" for this, but who knows?)
Is she guilty about the OM, and making up for it by being affectionate with me?
Are her own personal problems assuming so much importance in her life that she is simply reaching out to me to ease the pain?
All these things COULD remain up in the air, but here's the rub:
It seems as if she's moving toward a kind of resolve vis-a-vis divorcing me. She says that she's sad, referencing our "years together," emphasizing how much she loves me, etc. But she doesn't mention ANYTHING about working things out.
A few months ago, after one of the abortive breakups with the OM, she was on that "work things out" boat, albeit not for long.
It seems that she's come to some kind of acceptance of her "friendship" with the OM too, although I don't really know what that is. She keeps saying things that she is worried that she'll always be alone, so I'm figuring that she's not committed to this joker, but she did give me the "following her heart" speech recently too.
Then, to complicate matters, she asked me what I thought "following your heart" means. She volunteered that she thought it might be an excuse people make for themselves when they are doing something wrong.
Does this sound like a MLC? Like the WAW thing?
I don't know.
It's as if she's decided to call it quits, but is haunted by sadness about it. Then she mentions how afraid she is to come back, as if returning to the marriage would be a distant possibility, but a possibility nonetheless. I don't know how to read any of this.
I don't think that's such a good position for me to be in right now, especially so far down the road.
I'd think that this kind of talk (which went on months ago) would have run out by now.
