Ugh. My mind is going a mile a minute, quite literally. This email sure has taken me through the range of emotions.
Right now I want to scream "AND WERE YOU COMMITTED TO ME AND OUR M WHEN YOU WERE DRINKING 6 NIGHTS A WEEK....OR HOW ABOUT WHEN I WENT INTO LABOR WITH S6 AND YOU WOULDN'T STOP DRINKING....IS THAT COMMITMENT???????"
Shame on me for not being sure whether I needed to accept that as part of the deal!!!
As hard as it is, try to slow down. You have been working on this relationship alone and have had a lot of issues with the relationship for a long time. I know it's taken a lot of time and soul searching to get to the point of being able to propose a separation and begin divorce proceedings for your own sake. Your H's e-mail doesn't negate all your work and doesn't mean that you have to rush back into his arms as things are right now.
However don't go to the other extreme and start minimizing his comments in the e-mail by pointing out all the ways he's wronged you in the past. His e-mail was meant the way your e-mail was. It was to put his thoughts out there and see how you react. There's a lot to react to but I think taking the items that are common for both of you and true for both of you would be the most effective start.
The hard part about responding to this e-mail is how passively it was written. The key is to not get pulled into that tone and yet not to dismiss how he feels. Good Luck
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Quote: ---------------------------------------------------- I'm following you. Do you think I need to respond to his email or just try to set up a time to talk? ----------------------------------------------------
I think you need to approach him directly, tell him of your intentions, and setup a face to face meeting. Be somber, but touch his hand if you get the chance.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I read your response and have a few thoughts I'd like to float by you, but I'm shutting up now so that you can focus. Just know that I (and I'm sure everyone else here) is pulling for you. Consider this post a permanent "keep the faith", "atta girl", etc., until you see your way through this. You CAN do it.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
How do you see that tying in with ending the old one? I need to address the truck issue, the kissing issue. Then what about all of the things he mentions? He obviously has lots of old hurts too.
In my mind, MC is the only way through that. Address each issue and forgive it. I've really been thinking about what you said by the way-that being sorry is about me and forgiving is about him and that the only way to acknowledge my offenses were actually against him is to ask for his forgiveness. I think that makes a lot of sense and would love to be able to apply it.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
I am assuming that you are already handling the truck and the kissing issue, is that the case?
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Not exactly. I've listed the truck-it was listed immediately online, but the next hard copy Autotrader doesn't publish until this Friday. So, I've listed it but haven't received any calls or anything. I have not told H what I'm doing.
The kissing issue is the same. I feel like I have an opening now to say something about it, whereas before, with the way we've been living and him ignoring me and all it seemed so odd just to say, out of the blue, 'By the way, you never have to kiss me again.' Nothing about that felt right. But now, I have an opportunity to address it and I will. I'm just not sure the sequence of events here....address old R (how much time do we give that then?), negotiate new R and what happens in between as far as our living arrangements and such.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
I thought that you had already handled those matters and that they had influenced your husband to move off-center.
Kudos to your hubby for his move.
Back to you. You need to demonstrate to him that you can eat some of your pride, the very thing he intimates as a problem in his email to you.
Thank him for the email.
With the new information, I would suggest that you immediately tell him that the truck has been listed since (date), and tell him why, then immediately address the kissing. After that has soaked in for a minute or two, address the meeting as my previous post indicated.
If the situation temporarily blows apart, you remain the bastion of calm and collected and try again after emotions die down a little (minutes or hours, not days).
Let us know what your plan is.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
This is not ready to go, by any means, but here are some firmed up thoughts:
H, I am very grateful that you've taken the time to communicate some of your thoughts to me. Thank you.
I can see why you feel that I've lacked commitment and I recognize the truth in what you're saying. I know my lack of commitment has caused you pain over the years and despite that, you always respected yourself and overall, you handled it remarkably well. You are you all the time, even when it's hard and I respect you immensely for that.
I want you to know that I listed my truck in Auto Trader. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to get rid of it sooner and I realize that it may not bring you much, if any, comfort at this late hour. I see now that it was an every day reminder of my betrayal and I hope you can forgive me for not acknowledging that.
I would love to follow my heart. I can't imagine living my life with anyone but you-when I am with you, I am home. You said apparently it is too late for us. It is never, ever too late to create the future. I can see a future with us together. I can also see that we are not on the path to get there. If you think you'd be willing to work with me on beginning a new relationship, one where we can love, laugh, raise our children and grow old together...then you let me know because I am there.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
