Afterall....This IS my Life III

[heatherg]

You can't fix this marriage with one foot out the door, for it doesn't give either one of you the assurance that you need to hang in there

I completely understand and I agree. That's why it's not fair to anybody to continue in this M until I am sure I can be in for the long haul. There is much work to do to get to that point, but I am willing to engage in the work. Despite the letter, I still don't know if he is. He's going to stay. While I do find some comfort in that, physical presence is not enough to make a M work. Granted, it's a start. But this isn't the start for us either, we've been at this for quite some time.

I think this letter from your H is... his last ditch effort to get you to stay.

Corri, you have no idea how elated I was to see an email from him in my inbox. It's only the second I've received since this has all started. So, I know it definitely means something. However, I need you guys to help me stay true to myself while I try to patch this up. I would love nothing more than to say give up this separation thing and give him a big hug. But I know I'll be right back in the same spot if we don't address the issues.

At this point, I don't know that you are going to get deep declaration of his love for you... but he IS willing to stay in the fox hole with you.

I don't need a deep declaration, but I have to know he wants to be with me. Not just for the kids, it's not enough.

you are BOTH right, actually. Look where that has taken you, eh?

Amen!

In his own way, I think your H told you... "I'm committed."

Perhaps. OTOH, it's really no different than what he's said all along. He's here because he doesn't want to ruin the kids' lives. While I respect that and feel the same way, staying for the kids happens to work out better for him than it does for me for a multitude of reasons. I'm far too sensitive to continue living like I've been living and be happy.

He's not going to declare his love for you, for in his mind, you are on your way out the door, and that would make him WAAAYYYY too vulnerable.

I would take anything that showed he wanted to be with me . Staying in a situation like we are in under the premise he's created is akin to getting married because you're pregnant. There has to be more there or you at least need two people who are willing to make it into more.

You've got what you've been hoping for, I think.

Do you really think so? Really, really?