When my H and I were in marriage counseling, we used to throw the D word around all the time between us. My shrink gave us both the 'what for' for doing this... because, in his opinion, there is nothing more damaging you can do to each other's psyche than threaten to leave one another. So he would tell us: "you are either committed or you are not. You can't fix this marriage with one foot out the door, for it doesn't give either one of you the assurance that you need to hang in there."
I think that is a correct summation for a multitude of reasons.
Having said all that... and not grinding the past... I think this letter from your H is... his last ditch effort to get you to stay.
I was watching a movie last night, and a young man said to the older man, "you seem to have such a great marriage. What's your secret?" And the older man said, "I found a woman I could be in the fox hole with. And when I'm out of the fox hole, I keep my dick in my pants."
At this point, I don't know that you are going to get deep declaration of his love for you... but he IS willing to stay in the fox hole with you.
I personally think that NOP is going to tell you that his email to you is EXACTLY the glimmer of hope you've been looking for, and I'm sure he is going to give you some very specific advice. I already agree with him.
I think what is most important for you to keep in mind right now is not whether he is 'right' in his assessment, or if you are 'right' in yours... you are BOTH right, actually. Look where that has taken you, eh?
In his own way, I think your H told you... "I'm committed." He's not going to declare his love for you, for in his mind, you are on your way out the door, and that would make him WAAAYYYY too vulnerable.
