Afterall....This IS my Life III

[heatherg]

Nops, are you around? It appears that I have another chance to communicate to H and I was wondering if you had any thoughts. Below is an email from H that I received this morning.

What I want......

I want our children to be rocked to sleep by both of their parents every night.

I want to build a house that our children can grow up in.

I want our children to never have to ask "what would it have been like if our parents were together?"

I want a future with hope.

I want to be able look down the path of my life and not see shadows and uncertainty.

I want our children to never have to wonder what they could have done different.

I want our children to not come from a broken home.

Oddly enough, I think you concentrate too much on the "Phantom" incident. Our issues are way beyond that horrid chapter in our marriage. It seems that you are (or were) waiting for me to commit to this marriage. But the more clear the picture becomes, the more it is evident to me that you have lacked commitment to me for nearly as long as we have been together. From my perspective, you have had one foot out the door at least since you were "Rushing" and hoping that a sorority had a house so you could get away from me. This has become a consistent trend throughout our history. The drinking, the affair, the family alienation, the "stealing of your youth", the porn, the "undermining of parental authority". It seems to me that you have been setting me up to disappoint you throughout our history. Fortunately, throughout all of this (up until this point), I think you have been able to follow your heart, in spite of all the outside influences.

It just isn't possible for me to jump into this marriage with both feet when I know you have one foot out the door. I think you have been planning to leave me all along; you just haven't had the ammunition to overcome your heart. Now, apparently you do (with plenty of outside influence). I have been waiting for you to prove to me that you really are committed to me. So far the best I have been able to hang my hat on is that you have gone three months without threatening to leave me.

It seems I could go on and on with issues, but I don't want to turn this into a petty rant.

Apparently it is to late for us, but you wanted to know what I wanted.

In closing, all I can ask is that you follow your heart. Not what other influences think your heart should say.

If you read this, thank you for your time.