John Gray is pretty old school by today’s standards. There has been a lot of newer work since him that addresses ways to overcome the four Rs. The core of the problem is fear and insecurity – in the BOTH of you. The four Rs are only SYMPTOMS, they are all defense mechanisms. They are actually irrelevant, but they are the MAIN things couples focus on when under stress.
The answer is to recognize the underlying dynamic and how it plays out in your marriage, see what you each do to self protect and therefore exacerbate the situation, and find a way to soothe yourself and each other. D is not the right answer. It is only an escape. “What you feel you can heal” is only the first step part of the process.
