Yes, he has re-written our history, the last 14 years were horrible for him he says-I and our good friends know differently. He got his own checking account shortly after the bomb, and 1/2 of his check goes in there and the other 1/2 into our joint account. So far he's written me a check to deposit into the joint account to pay bills. Yes, I know I need my own account, and will get one.
We don't have any children, a mutual agreement, but now I'm hearing otherwise-that he wanted kids and I wouldn't do it. We have pets, and he's gone from ignoring them, and not participating in their care to coming back around and at least being their "dad" again, helping with their care and interacting with them almost as much as he used to. But now that he's left he hasn't been back to see them. Which is fine, he needs to stay GONE!
And yes, he is making such a fool of himself. He met OW at work, and the two of them are parading around together there like a couple of teenagers. When I learned of all these antics I was embarrased of him and for him! But, it's his behavior and I wont let it effect me!
I knew all this was coming.......but when this stuff finally happens to you, even after reading about it, it still hurts so bad!
When all this happened last March, I sat down and really looked at myself and my marriage, and my part in this mess. His complaints were/are so far fetched that I refuse to take responsibility for this mess. Yes, I'm overweight, I'll give him that. Have I discussed this with him on many occasions? Yes, and he always said he loved me the way I am. Do I smoke? Yes (until recently) but he's smoked all his adult life. I could go on and on. Each thing he complained about were issues we'd mutually agreed to. These were all things that could have been re-negotiated very easily, and are poor excuses for bad behavior. Thank you for reminding me that I'm wonderful! It's nice to hear.
Was my marriage perfect? Hell no. He didn't believe married people should ever disagree, so he'd get very upset when we did. To the point of leaving and refusing to discuss the subject. Looking back I can see that he's probably been suffering from depression for a very long time. He had a rotten childhood. Mom died when he was 4 and his dad when he was 11. They were strict Penticostals, no dancing, no swimming in mixed company, etc. (don't mean to offend the Penticostals) They were beaten with a belt if they didn't get out of bed in the morning, stuff like that. And, they were poor. He's always been satisfied with the bare minimum, no house maintentance, let alone finish a remodel job. Didn't take care of his nice car, didn't care if the grass was mowed, etc. With all that being said, he was the kindest, most loving, do anything for me kind of guy. He's sick, and I know that. That's why I can still love him unconditionally.
If I learn nothing else from all of this, I have learned that I have the capacity for unconditional love, and that's just glorious!!!!
Danu
Everything happens for a reason, and through this journey I will learn many things about myself
