"how disgusting" manner Same quotes are said in our house.
I will separate/differentiate our situation some from the rest of the younger posters.
I has my back surgery in 1981 and couldn't do much for several month. That is when BB lost the most interest in sex, BB had a hysterectomy in the early 80's but went on HRT which helped make-up for lost hormones. Then in about 1997 BB had breast cancer and had half the tissue of one breast removed and took tamoxifen, which is a sex-drive killer, for 5 years.
Her attitude about sex was “not that interested” but she would have sex with me once a week to 10 days. I got used to gift sex or what some people call mercy sex. If that is all she could muster up, I guess that is what I had to accept as the new gold standard.
Around Aug of this year, she didn't want much body contact and said penetration was becoming uncomfortable and my juices burned.
I sort of gave up wanting sex because of all the problems that keep cropping up. If you remember the UTI issues, and all that I did to help solve those and other issues. the pain/uncomfortableness and her not wanting my body next to hers, it was almost too much for me to solve that problem.
In Dec, I decided if I helped her solve this new pain problem, was it solvable, and if remedied some what was going to be the next problem.
At some point, the past problems just get to a point of me feeling like what BB is feeling or experiencing is not something I can help her with anymore.
I tried to be content w/o sex. I tried to give up on the idea that anything physical between us would bring her joy or pleasure. I decided maybe it is time to sleep in separate bedrooms like she seem to be saying all along.
I say all of this because our or BB's problems are more than just feeling LD?ND. Some of the problems are age and physical related. I grant her that courtesy out of trying to respect her beliefs and from reading other women's posts in similar circumstances. I still wondered how much of the LD/ND was emotional, not physical.
Anyway, that is why I think our situation is different than HD's or other women that mostly tend to have the mindset that sex is for the man's pleasure and women are being somehow put down as some ultra feminist suggest.
What is happening now: With me withdrawing, which I don't like, after several weeks, BB has been friendlier and asked why I have not been initiating. I told her, knowing it was uncomfortable for her, I didn't want to be the cause of some future resentment from the current discomfort she might experience, when we had sex.
I asked if more foreplay would help. She said only hormones would help and that if I insisted, she would take them. She said it sarcastically, she would risk getting breast cancer again but indicated it would be my fault if she did.
A couple of days ago she decided she wanted to have sex soon, wouldn't give me any clues as to what would make it more comfortable for her, Yes I asked several times but got the usual "nothing" or she didn't know.
So soon, I will say lets go to bed an hour early, start off with some foot rubs while watching TV, then some PBTS activities in the bedroom, then the real thing for as long as I sense she can feel comfortable or she tells me it's about time to end the LM.
I will say, the last week or so I have spoken my thoughts to BB and did so w/o being apprehensive with what she was gong to say or how she was going to act.
I will treat her with respect and negotiate, but I won't let her put me down with things like her saying I want to give her oral sex because I like smelling her crack. That is so much BS to me it deserves one answer. She has it all wrong.
Being co-operative, easy going is something like being the beta male, not that attractive to BB I suppose. It is something like male PMS. That is Passive Male Syndrome, doesn’t do anything for BB.
