No, it's not what you think. My low, absent, sex drive and desire has finally ended my 13 year marriage. My son was born 7 years ago and the wife and I haven't had sex since then. I really got tired of always iniating our sexual encounters, so I decided to stop to see what she'd do. After awhile of nothing happening, I became comfortable with the no sex marriage. Before we were married and early on in our marriage my wife was, well to say the least, HOT. She never had any trouble letting me know what she wanted at anytime during the day or night.
My wife also lost all respect for me several years ago (women, listen to me--don't ever do that with a man), and this became a serious problem for me. Her career advanced while mine did not; to be honest, I think at some point my wife began thinking that she was above me. Her current salary is four times what mine is. Our communication became whatever she wanted or thought was correct, so I checked out of trying to communicate with her as well. If she didn't get her way she pouted, and eventually I gave into her episodes just to have peace in the house. She eventually reached a point in our relationship where she could not be wrong about anything, even if it was obvious that she was indeed wrong. She forgot how to say that she was sorry for anything that she did that was hurtful. At this point, I did not want to have sex with my wife. We were no longer a "couple", we were roommates sharing a bed. She did eventually move out of the bedroom.
In November, she anounced that she wanted a divorce, citing our sexual issues. She says that she is "no longer in love with me" and now has "no desire to have a sexual relationship with me". "Something in her, her love and desire for me, has died, and that can never be recovered." Blah, Blah, Blah--it all sounds like BS to me. Basically, my wife started to look at me like I was disgusting. When I tried to hug her or kiss her she'd pull away or just be limp and unemotional. Needless to say, she does not see anything that she did in our relationship to cause any of these issues.
I tried desperately for two months to try to get her to work on our marriage, with no luck. I have now accepted the fact that I'll probably be divorced by 2008. At present we are living under the same roof--no physical contact and only speak to eachother when necessary. So, here I am, not wanting a divorce but having one forced upon me. My son does not know yet; he is going to be devastated.
I love my wife deeply, and I'd like to put our marriage back together, but I realize that I cannot do it by myself. She has not mentioned divorce since the end of Jan., nor has she made any attempt to or statement thereof that she'd like to put us back together. So, I really don't know what to do; the ball is in her court, and she's doing nothing with it.
I have stopped worrying about and working on our relationship and started working on me. I have rejoined the gym (over the long, unhappy years I really let my health go), I'm back in church, I've joined a divorce recovery group, I've made new friends outside of our marriage, and I've gotten active in community events. With all of this going on in my life, I must say that I haven't felt this good about myself in years. My self-esteem is returning, and I've taken the power that she had over me away from her. I am in control; I am proactive--not reactive. With my newfound self, in a few months, if she hasn't filed for divorce or attempted to put our marriage back together, I will file for divorce.
So, that's my story. Any comments, good or bad, are welcome.
