Even though it had poor reviews, I really liked it (it reminded me of Carson McCullers). It's about this extremely slick and dangerous con-man wheedling his way into a family and masterfully manipulating the other characters in the book. It's dark and has a bit too many subplots, but I found the con-man character and the psychology in this book kind of fascinating.
Anyhow... onto what you wrote... you probably did hit the nail on the head with the nurture/sympathy connection between your wife and her jailbird friend. A common need amongst women is to "feel needed," and it sounds like your wife feels that towards this OM.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
