Sex Drive and Life Style

[MJontheMend]

Is it that time? and if so are you regular so I can keep track of when this is going to happen again. LFL Mojo needs some chocolate.

LOL- No. FYI I only get cr*bby for one day and unfortunately I can't tell you exactly when that will be since I don't keep good track since I got my tubes tied.

Your writing style and the obvious discrepancy between your board persona and your IRL one I find highly amusing

Interesting. I would say that the main difference is that I am "on" on the BB and obviously more "off" in less social settings. My BB personality is pretty much like my party or business meeting personality. Also, my personality does become somewhat whacko-fused in relation to my H. One s*cky thing about my relationship is that my H doesn't appreciate my sense of humor because he wants to be the funny one or something like that.

Your opinion on x is nearly the same as every female that knows me.

Well, as I said before, you are clearly a nice boy although I do find some of your theories annoying. Therefore, your X must be a b*tch. Of course, I could look at it the other way and say since you are a nice boy your X must have been a nice girl too and the two of you just f*cked up and should forgive yourselves and move on.

This is self defeating. Your placing a time limit on a a equation with endless unknown variables. you dont control your emotions or your H's. Your setting yourself up to fail. you cannot be a failure, in a equation with an uncontrollable factor. thats really negative internal voice. You can get as creative as you want with the descriptors, but its not going to change the human emotions.

What I meant to say is that my goal will be to implement all the practical steps implied by the contract by the summer solstice. Really I'm not saying anything different than HD telling himself that he will continue to say "I want to have sex once a week". I'm just being a little ch*ckenshitted and giving myself a lot of time because I am dealing with more than one issue that might throw my H into the crucible and vice versa.

what you want is reasonable. How you are going about it, not necessarily so reasonable. youve recently come upon a lot of inner value. Invariable that leads to retaliation for previous unreasonable expectations placed on us and being returned in kind with our unreasonable expectations. Thats not taking ownership for having failed to implement boundaries.

If I understand what you are saying I would think that if what you are saying is true I would feel angry at my H. I don't. I am taking ownership for failing to have implemented boundaries. I can see my own fault here clearly. That doesn't mean that my H will. He may get angry and choose to leave because he will be hurt by the boundaries that I set in the same way I used to feel hurt when he set certain boundaries. I am fully cognizant of the fact that he will almost certainly try to set new boundaries himself if I proceed. You are right to say that I can't thoroughly predict my reaction but I can do it a heck of a lot better than I could 3 years ago. I am more functional and differentiated. No lie.-LOL

What I will not do is try to philosophize or punish myself for wanting what I want. good. I doubt it, but good.

LOL- Well I'll try anyways. I see the light through a haze but at least I see it.

how you implement boundaries is just as important as doing it. If you implement them in such a way that your H is forced to be more top then you in order to satisfy it, then you just nullified everything you told me about looking for a woman that meets you face to face and gives from the ask.

I understand though if thats the case.

I really wish that you would give me a concrete example of how a person can state or get what they want without being assertive. If simply being assertive makes me unfeminine than it s*cks to be a female because I'll never get anything I want in life. If that is the case then I might as well give up on having a relationship with a man and go live alone in my cottage with an orchard.

When I was more fused in my HD I didn't like the idea of scheduling or contracting a sexual relationship because I felt like the need to schedule implied rejection. I thought that a "never say no" contract would be a good thing because it would protect my feelings from ever again being hurt by rejection. Now I think that I was insane to feel that way. There are a lot of good reasons why a man might not "want" to have sex with me. However, that doesn't mean that I shouldn't "want" to have sex. It also doesn't mean that I should accept the equally fused option of a virtual "Always okay to say no" contract because my H's feelings might be hurt because of the implied rejection of his inherent sexuality that a contract or schedule would imply. On one occasion my H said "Don't you want me to want to have sex with you?". The answer is "yes" but the answer is also "yes" to the question "Do I want to have regular sex?". I hope that you understood that the "ask" goes both ways in my analogy. If I as an adult woman am willing to honor a contract that implies that sometimes I might be too fat or whatever to be attractive and sometimes my partner and I will have different fantasies that don't necessarily jive and a certain frequency might only be a reasonable compromise in terms of actual desire than I expect the same from my H. A contract is an agreement and an agreement is two people "asking" and "answering".