I love what Cat03 said to you here: ------------------------------------------------------ I think you can still be in charge of your happiness with no money and w/him around, I know it is hard, but you must carve a new brain path in you, right now you are in self-defeating mode, so your thoughts naturally will take a somber tone. You CAN change that, you can teach your brain to stop focusing on what your H doesn't give you and start to find things that make you feel happy until your H finds himself. Life is what you make of it, decide to be happy and to enjoy what R you have with your H. ------------------------------------------------------
Can you see if you can either buy or borrow the movie, The Secret? It really talks about our thoughts creating our own reality. You told me not so long ago that you have met 9 out of 10 goals that you set for your M. And now you're contemplating D just because of not having met 1 goal!!!
Remember the weight-loss analogy. Because you are finding the last 10 lbs to lose difficult, you want to go ahead and put back the 80 lbs that you lost already???
Please make it a habit to make your gratitude list here everyday. Write at least 5 to 10 things everyday. Take AllenB's lead.
When you asked your H about ML, he basically told you that he didn't want to rush into it as he didn't want to ruin a perfect thing. He's afraid and it's a legitimate concern. Specially, since only 9 or 10 weeks ago, he wanted a D. Also, things haven't been this good in the M in a LONG TIME, right? So put yourself in HIS SHOES. The guy is afraid.
There's a new book called, "Hooking Up or Holding Out", I went to a reading of the same recently. Holding out was the preferred way to go. When Jen Aniston started dating Brad Pitt (I know, not the best analogy), she made him wait for 9 months to have $ex! So, no $ex is not necessarily a bad thing when you're (re)buildng a R.
I know that money is an issue for you and yes, your H is still in the house. But that's all the MORE reason for you to find a life. I know that little children take up a lot of time. But try to make a friend, join a mother's group or something. I know that you are placing the blame for your unhappiness on ML, but I think that you're placing this huge emphasis on it because you don't have a life outside your S. Can your H watch your S will you go take a run or walk around the block? OR go to the library or the YMCA? I have a friend with 2 little ones and she is on a tight, tight budget, only one person working in their household, so she takes opportunities at the library and the YMCA. It gets her out of the house and she meets new friends and new people.
Also, I don't understand how not having H in the house would make you get a life as that would make you a single mother. Single parents have it harder than married! Trust me on this one, friend. Poor JG, he can barely run out the door to buy eggs and milk for breakfast sometimes...S5 goes everywhere with him!
Life is a decision in the end. You are not living to your full potential and it is making you unhappy. My mother did this all her life and it has made her resentful and bitter her and lonely and miserable. She always made excuses that since she had kids she couldn't do anything. I know, it was hard, plus my sister was sickly growing up, but she just never made an effort and laid all her unfulfilled dreams on me. As her child, it just made me feel angry and upset with her as she wants to live through me.
Carl Jung said that the worse thing we can do for our children is pass on our unlived lives to them. By not living up to your potential, you are squashing your dreams and your own self-realization and no matter how much ML you get from H eventually, you may still find yourself unhappy. As I did not so long ago myself. So, please don't be offended. I'm speaking from experience here.
I like myself better now even if I'm just reading a book and challenging my mind doing that. I love chatting with my friends and pushing myself to make new friends!!
I'm concerned that you don't have a single GF to connect with. Work on that pronto!
I'm sorry that you feel so sad and are crying so much. You feel that you've given so much for so long to your M and that you haven't gotten anything in return. But really examine where all that crying and deep unhappiness is coming from. Something tells me it's not all because of the ML thing. That's my gut feeling. Maybe you're putting so much emphasis on the ML as you feel so isolated without friends and as if this M had BETTER BE PERFECT as there is nothing else in your life?? Just a thought.
Wake up tomorrow and decide in the first 5 minutes that you are going to MAKE IT A HAPPY DAY! Not "have" a happy day, but "make" a happy day. Report back how that goes...
Also, you didn't answer about the spiritual practice part. If you are not a believer, you can still meditate on love and visualizing all the good things you want to happen in your life.
Go back and re read my post on your thread regarding positive affirmations!
love and hugs....Time to wipe your tears and get down to business. The business of living YOUR LIFE!
rainbowlove -------------------------- JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!
