Saying ILY to our spouses for me is a learned behavior. I never heard my mom or dad say that to each other growing up and mom never says it to her 5 kids.
Dad will tell my mom he loves her but my mom never says it back to him. She has had a frustrated and bitter life so I know where she is coming from. A few weeks ago I questioned my mom and told her that it hurt when I say it to her but she doesn't say it back.
I tell my 2 children all the time. In fact, when I put them to bed, I pary aloud so they can hear me ask God to increase my Love for them each and every day. That is what I missed growing up and I don't want to do that to them. I still have a difficult time saying that to my W but I am forcing myself to. I don't say it to her everyday because I don't want to pressure her. But I do say it.
I was brought up that as a boy, I shouldn't be so sensitive, boys don't cry, etc. Which of course is a load of crap. However, I have a choice to say it or not say it. That is tough for me to do but I know if I do it, it will be right in the eyes of God. The more I say it, then the more I will believe it. CY
