It's time to pull out of the rut

[brueniap]

thanks WAS2 - I'll look at that in a different opportunity. I already do volunteer much time as I am right now in putting on an Expo for the Community businesses. I, in fact, not only volunteer so much of my time to the community, I also give my stuff away (my florals) on a regular basis. I give all my talks for nothing. Same with much I do at the church.

I've given so much of my time away that I've not been able to get my work done. This is where I have been so discouraged and then I get very depressed. And depressed is where I am right now. I know exactly where you are coming from because I would have said those very same words as well.

But there are definitely some other things that God has placed on my heart to do that I know would be meaningful for someone else.

sometimes I just want to be left alone.......just for a while......but I can't........too much involved in the life of my community, church..........and now H. I always feel like he has to have 100% when he's here - and he's here a lot......but that doesn't get any of the work done that needs done.

if I am to expect nothing from him......which there is no choice anyway as he has pretty much nothing.........I still need to work my job here. My 2 jobs in town do not earn enough to live on...........but I've let my floral business all but die by being too involved with being there for everyone else. Perhaps part of it is that I want to make sure I continue being there for others cuz I've been helped in so many ways.

but whiny me........I want a paycheck I can count on. The debt is getting greater every day and H no longer contributes anything to the cause any more. He did give me 20 bucks the other day. It helped.....it really did......but that surely doesn't pay bills.

I'm just frustrated with everything I am and everything I do.....it is not enough......and I am going nowhere but deeper into the hole.

and i don't spend money......i am amazingly frugal with what I have. i'm the cheapest date you'll ever have.

the debt I carry has much come from the years of no income coming in from H when he was here and we had hospital bills and 4 kids and we were drowning and it came out of my business money to carry on.

now everyone's gone.

but i have the debt.......which I'd gladly pay every dime off.....if I had the income to do it with.

sometimes i just hate getting up and facing this day after day.

but i love all you guys so much and appreciate the warmth and prayers and caring you all provide.

it means so much to me.


thank you