Piecing together, or not?

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks CY,

Good for you with the daddy/daughter day. The kids forget lots of bad things when they get older and do remember the good times more than you might imagine. I worked full time when d17 was little and guess what? She DOES NOT REMEMBER me working full time....all that wasted guilt I had!!

ANyhow, W2 didn't seem to be suggesting I go, or stay. I just have a lot to consider. But H does say he loves me, each time we talk and we were just in Hawaii alone together and it was romantic and loving. I had a few "triggers" that camy upon me by surprise and I had to cope without ruining the moments we were having. Yes, I do have resentment for sure. And I am struggling with that.

You know, even when we want to forgive, it doesn't just happen. I guess I never realized how long forgivenss could take even when I actually want it.

So your wife may be finding the same thing. Plus, I doubt your wife saw much forgiveness in her family life and I know I never saw my parents actually resolve something. More like attack and retreat. My fil was in Vietnam for two tours and so, h had an absentee dad early on in life. Not to mention how his dad was when he returned, which was ...."damaged." That man is better now, which proves we can change. But H's childhood, from my perspective, was a sink or swim deal. H swam and was a superachiever, and his brother fell by the wayside, dropping out of life until his 30's. Keep on fathering the way you are, b/c I swear your kids are going to recall the good times more than you realize and the bad/absent times that occurred before the age of about 7 or 8, seem to be too hazy for them. Like I said, "wasted guilt." Don't do it.
j-