Piecing together, or not?

[25yearsmlc]

Bill,

you hit the nail on the head as far as the down side of all this. I may even send it to H if he cannot wrap his brain around what I am feeling. He does, btw, support the d17 finishing high school here and us not going anywhere until she is in her new environment. Part of my sense of pending loss is related to losing her to college, probably. Maybe that's a mom thing, but when she comes home from a date and tells me how it went, I suddenly realize I may not have that experience with her again....ever. To also put 3000 miles between us makes it that much worse.

I will have to think of what you wrote some more, but wanted to give you my initial response b/c your insight helped and you're a man. For the record, I am not sure my H can face what he has done and the level of damage to the R with d17.. Granted, she IS very forgiving and does love him. But parental guilt, actually any guilt has always been tough for H. Until this whole tundra deal (I fear saying the name of the state too much in case he ever comes to this site) he seemed pretty stable and persevering. He was always the grounded one, whereas I was the restless one with an itch for more. Motherhood and his AWOL/career hours changed that over the past few years. And if I didn't mention it before, there MAY be a job opportunity there that would exceed what I could do here for a few years. Meaning, IF it happens, it'd help me elsewhere after 2 years or so, to say I had "this position" etc up there, and it's doubtful I could ever get that position here in southern California. But then, there are very few options there so if it doesn't pan out, I am going to have to be very creative....or jobless. Assuming d9 is fine in her new environment up there, which is a HUGE assumption and which will take time, then if feel I have to have a job there or something, to avoid getting clinically depressed/alcoholic, etc. There is a reason so many people up there drink...I don't much, yet.
thanks for posting, it helps.
j-