Still in the fight

[81388*]

TO and ATGO;
Thank you both so much.

I want to be that mirror that reflects His love for us. I want my W to see that unconditional love.

I have already forgiven her and accepted my responsibility as a contributing factor, and forgiven myself. I can't seem to proactively forgive, it just keeps coming around with each new twist of the knife, and the process gets more difficult each time.

My discussion w/ my friend last night revolved around the utter despair and rejection that comes with a truley broken heart, not to mention infidelity.

Family and friends that don't agree w/ my approach or are unaware of it keep saying I am just repressing my emotions. I inform them that I am not repressing them, I am just not giving them power over my life.

Each and every day I experience pain,despair,rejection, and remorse, all of which culminate to form an emptiness in my heart and soul that I can not even describe. When I feel this, I accept it for what it is, grief over the death of my marriage and the loss of my best friend. As I accept it, I come to own it. It is mine to do with what I will, and I CHOOSE TO kick it's ass to the curb.

On those very same days I will experience joy, happiness, laughter, and opptimism. As I acknowledge these emotions I CHOOSE to incorporate them into who I am, and how I want to behave.