Thanks friends, for caring. I've been around, just lurking...nothing has changed significantly in my sitch. There are lots of positives in that H still has not left town, and occasionally comes over to give me a 1-2 hour break from mommy duty. Other than that, he's still enjoying a basically single life, often not calling when he says he will, and I'm striving daily to let my resentment of his current actions (or lack thereof) go.
I realize I am still giving him too much power over my emotions, and I'm working on that. He is highly skilled at manipulating me into avoiding confrontation...he definitely takes advantage of my fear that if I take a stand on any issue he'll be outta here. I'm working on that too.
I am working hard on being open and safe and welcoming without being clingy or pursuing. No R talk, no calling him without real need, really listening when he is around and talking, being encouraging and appreciative for what he DOES do. I feel so much better when he's here with me. It's just not often.
I am trying to reconcile my desire to save my marriage at all costs with my need to get a spine. I have no desire to live the remainder of my life in this limbo--at arm's distance without any love or respect. He's got this whole situation maneuvered so that it is entirely on his terms...coming home, having a real marriage, all of it. Perhaps I am still holding on too tight. Must. Let. Go.
